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Daniel Spector's avatar

Matt,

I responded to your duckduckgo.com email, but it didn't go through.

Yeah. We're still in recovery. I can't see the end of that road. Maybe I should focus on the road and not worry about getting to the end, or whether there is an end, or whether I would recognize it if I bumped into it. In any case, the road feels like I-95 during rush hour.

Best to keep moving forward.

Danny

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Wendy's avatar

Daniel, how awful for Maggie and for you to go through what you both went/are going through. No one is prepared to do that. No one. Even though it seems you don't believe it, you did the best you could at the time. We can always look back on things and see what different choices we could habe chosen. We can always look back and feel things differently. But looking back provides us with space and understanding we didn't have at the time.

Throughout our lives we all do many amazing things and we all do many things where we may wish we had a mulligan. When others look back and feel bad about past decisions, we extend them grace. We see that they have new perspectives from their experiences, we see in their hearts they are good people who are doing their best in the moment. We all need to learn to extend the same grace to ourselves.

It's clear, from your writing, that you loved and cared about and for your wife. You both had to endure an unimaginable, long period. I hope you can see that you did the best you could and that best was way more than enough. The fact that you learned things through this experience makes you even more prepared to handle whatever the next experience is. But it does not mean that your actions in the past were anything less than loving, caring and your best.

I wish you only love and contentment as you move forward.

Wendy

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